Saturday, March 19, 2011

You make me smile....

There is just nothing in this world like watching you child grow and start to really explore life. I am just enjoying this phase so much! Everyday he does a million things that just make me smile. Having a baby born early gives so many people such worries, and you have them too as a Mama. When you were in the NICU you expected them, it was honestly easier to deal with. Now that you made it home there are still worries, and things to explain, why your baby isn't sitting, all the developmental things that you know your kid is a little delayed at. You can get preoccupied with all the woes and worries, and start to feel stressed out a little. But then my baby does something that makes me smile, something little that reminds me of the precious miracle I have been blessed with. And then I feel comforted I am getting to worry and discuss milestones with other mothers! That means my sweet baby has no BIG worries, we are no longer worried by monitors going off, or if are babies lungs are strong, or if he will need a blood transfusion!! Oh how silly mothers can be!! I want to just enjoy my Micheal every minute of every day! I want him to know that I love spending as much of my day as I can just watching and playing with him. I know I may be bias but there is no greater feeling watching your baby turn pages of a book and know he is the smartest baby in the world. Watching him make the funniest noises and know he is such a comedian. Watching him grip your finger super tight, kick a toy really hard, and put his feet to his mouth and you see the strongest most athletic boy in the world!! And then he smiles at you and you just melt, you see such joy in that little face, he doesn't worry about what he is doing or not doing, he just wants to enjoy making mom and dad laugh, mimicking your noises and facial expressions!! So I am deciding to not worry any more either, about all the developments and marks, I am going to hug my baby and just smile!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Almost a year ago....

It is so crazy to me that almost a year ago I gave birth to a Micro Preemie! What a year it has been! As we get closer and closer to his First birthday, I can't help but do some reflecting, shed some tears, and just praise God for all the ways he has blessed me, especially this year!! With all the reflecting I have been doing lately, I thought maybe  I could try a blog and that would just be another way to raise awareness. Awareness not only of Micro Preemies, but of what a great and wonderful God we have and serve!!

So what is a Micro Preemie? Many people have never heard the term, and to be honest I had never heard it until my water broke early, and more than likely I would be having one!! Any way a Micro Preemie is a baby born before 28 weeks and under 2 Ibs. But raising awareness for me is not just about getting the facts and terms out there. Its more like raising understanding about what your baby has gone through and still goes through after leaving the NICU, because your baby although born early your journey is NOT the journey of a preemie.

Our Journey

Discovering I was pregnant was the most wonderful feeling in the world! Michael and I were so excited, and we were scared at the same time! I had a previous early miscarriage, and that is such a dreadful experience! So we were holding are breath especially in the beginning as the weeks went by and I was getting larger and hearing a healthy heartbeat we started feeling more and more at peace and just pure excitement at being pregnant.  At 20 weeks we discovered we were having a boy, and that was one of the best nights of our life! We had a baby reveal party and it was just so incredible. I am glad for that moment, because not long after that at 24 weeks my water broke!! And that was the most scared I have ever been, finding out in the hospital that your water broke, it was horrifying!! Fortunately I hadn't dilated very far so I was able to make it 2 weeks on bed rest. Those are the 2 weeks I am most thankful for in my life! They were two weeks of turmoil, accepting the fact I was about to start a different journey and learning as much about early birth as I could soak in. Yet finding peace because the little one still inside you needs to feel your calmness to grow as strong as possible. I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to feel the worry until everything was fine. I still almost a year later at night and in the quiet struggle with those feelings. It was there on bed rest I heard the term Micro Preemie for the first time. I remember typing those words in a laptop in the middle of the night in the hospital bed and the first thing that appeared was funeral clothing! Saying a prayer to God to let my journey and my baby be different. There were so many minutes of peace  and turmoil in those prayers!!
Then I started showing signs of the infection, and feeling labor pains. We knew then it was just a matter of time. And I would be lying if I didn't say as the contractions got closer and closer together I found it harder and harder to not worry. Then the doctor's announced they would be performing a c-section on me withing the hour! I was so afraid while they were prepping me for surgery. I had always dreamed of having a baby naturally, and I was just scared about having a baby so early!! Finally they let Michael come into the room with me, and having him there really calmed me down! Now I feel so bad for him, because he could hear, and UNDERSTAND all the numbers the doctors were saying about our baby and He got to see Michael Lee as they wheeled him into the NICU!

It was many hours later before I was able to see my baby. Most of our family was able to view him before I was. I hope that doesn't sound like a complaint because for me in these set of circumstances trust me its not! Our journey ended up being a really great journey compare to most Micro's and fairly smooth even though it was long! Michael Lee Wilson,III was born weighing 1 Ibs. 15 ounces! Today he is almost 11 months and 18 Ibs.  Our journey is not yet over, and we still have struggles because of his early birth, but there isn't a night that goes by that I can't be thankful for all the struggles because I have such a bundle of joy. I see my baby smile, I even hear a loud cry and feel thankful, because he sounds like a BIG baby with healthy lungs!!